and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
