Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
