Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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