I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
