she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
