I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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