wrigley field is MILF paradise
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
