Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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