Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
