I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize