Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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