Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
