she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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