I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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