He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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