What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
