I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
