omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
