So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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