We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize