just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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