k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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