Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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