And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
