I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
