For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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