I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
