I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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