I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
