New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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