Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
