Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
