my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
