YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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