Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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