I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
