I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
