It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I pour the whiskey from now on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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