Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
