While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
