Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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