Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
