i think my tv is drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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