Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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