Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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