Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
