If i come over, it means nothing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
