There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
