mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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