I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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