So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize