i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
