the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
