Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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