FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
