I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
