...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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