And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
