threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
