Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
