my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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