The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
