last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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