you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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