eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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