went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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