I need to stop coming to work sober
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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