I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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