I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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