if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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