a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
