he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
then he tried to convert me to islam
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
