I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize