that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
