I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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