I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
