I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
