And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
