we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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