do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
