he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
